Doubtful

I seriously did not want to write this post but finally decided to do so anyway. I want to write this cause this is sorta like my journal. I want to look back 10 years from now and see how I was living my life at the age of 20.

I do feel kinda pathetic. I mean, to cry at my workplace. That sounds pretty pathetic to me.

I don't know why I suddenly started crying. I tried to hide it. I went to the bathroom to cool myself down and everything. Didn't help much when my friend came up to comfort me. The water works just started flowing without my permission. Even worse when the person who made me cry saw me crying. Haha!!

It wasn't entirely her fault I guess. I was holding a lot in and it just came out all of a sudden.

What made me sorta pissed/annoyed was, I always clean one station then move to the next before she came along. But she said I shouldn't do that because I was too slow and I had to follow her way, which was faster.

Today, when I was wrapping the stuff up and everything, she told me I shouldn't do that because it is too slow. She said I should clean one station by one station.

Excuse me! I was wrapping those stuff because YOU told me to do so 5 minutes ago! And I usually clean one station and then move to the next but you told me it was too slow. Now that I followed your directions and do what you told me to, you are telling me to do it just like how I use to??!?!? This is just messed up.

Okay, I know some of you may be confused about what I am talking about. And I know this may not sound like a thing that would make a person cry but this wasn't the only time she was criticizing me. She is just all over me ALL THE TIME.

My friends who worked with me are funny. According to them, I need to grow some balls and shout back at her or smth.

The weird thing was, she always thinks that I am talking about her behind her back when she is the one talking about me behind my back. She went to my friend, Ashley and told her that I was making a big deal out of this and I was pouring oil into fire. Somewhere along these lines. And she said she was talking to me in a very calm and soft voice. Haha!!

Ashley almost went off on her. Ashley said that she was not talking to me in the so-called calm manner she claimed she did. And Ashley said she told her to let me do things at my own pace.

The thing is, I didn't say anything back because I was afraid I was really moving too slow. Sometimes, when you say things, you can never take it back no matter how much you want to. I was afraid that if I did say something back, I would never be able to take it back and would regret it. But I guess it was too much to just keep it quiet. Seriously didn't expect myself to cry. So embarrassing.

I am lucky though. All my friends were really supportive. They said I was not the one in the wrong. Even my mum supports me. They were saying that maybe it is because I don't say anything back that is why she is always all over me.

She told me before she left that she has good news. She said she will tell the manager to move her to the day shift. Meaning, I will work at night and she will work in the morning. I told her I didn't cry because of her. I didn't want to make a big deal out of this. Maybe part of it was her fault but maybe it was also part my fault too.

I seriously don't know which is which. All I know is, I feel damn pathetic right now for crying at work and I am really glad all my friends and mum supports me. Thank you so much! Really appreciate it.